The Pentagon Just Released This Ridiculous Cartoon and the Internet Can’t Stop Laughing

No more enemies, only “bad guys” to fight.

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The Department of Defense unveiled a snazzy website redesign today, capping off what chief Pentagon spokesperson Dana White called a “long overdue” change and a way to “more completely share our military’s story with the American people.”

That strategy apparently included the production of a two-minute animated video which explains the five branches of the military using puns, cartoon pirates, and many ominous references not to mortal enemies with weapons of mass destruction, but “bad guys.”

We’re not kidding.


“While there’ve been plenty of movies about our armed forces, most tend to exaggerate what our military does, day in and day out,” we’re told by a kindly-voiced narrator. “Here’s the real scoop about the Department of Defense and how our military keeps you safe!” 

First up is the Army, which we apparently includes as many people “as the population of Atlanta.” Their job is “to fight and win our nation’s wars.” 

The Navy, lest we forget, is “all about the water. They work on it, above it, and below it.” Because of America’s naval power, “things like food, electronics, and cars” can travel the seas safely. Our naval forces also, apparently, fight really cute cartoon pirates!

The Marine Corps are “a bad guy’s worst nightmare.” They come from “sea and air to fight adversaries on land and they are very, very good at it.” 

The Air Force has our back in the “air, space, and cyberspace.”

They drop bombs too—or, as the half-glass-full narrator puts it, fight “bad guys all around the world.” 

Bringing up the rear is the Coast Guard: “a drug dealer’s worst enemy and a boater’s best friend.” 

The video rocketed around social media on Wednesday, but might not have garnered the type of reaction DoD was expecting. Here are a few responses: 

https://twitter.com/davegershgorn/status/1047578789193142272

Spencer Ackerman, a national security reporter for the Daily Beast, may have had the most common reaction. 

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SIX TRUTHS

Reclaiming power from those who abuse it often starts with telling the truth. And in "This Is How Authoritarians Get Defeated," MoJo's Monika Bauerlein unpacks six truths to remember during the homestretch of an election where democracy, truth, and decency are on the line.

Truth #1: The chaos is the point.

Truth #2: Team Reality is bigger than it seems.

Truth #3: Facebook owns this.

Truth #4: When we go to work, we're in the fight.

Truth #5: It's about minority rule.

Truth #6: The only thing that can save us is…us.

Please take a moment to see how all these truths add up, because what happens in the weeks and months ahead will reverberate for at least a generation and we better be prepared.

And if you think journalism like Mother Jones'—that calls it like it is, that will never acquiesce to power, that looks where others don't—can help guide us through this historic, high-stakes moment, and you're able to right now, please help us reach our $350,000 goal by October 31 with a donation today. It's all hands on deck for democracy.

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