The Pentagon Just Released This Ridiculous Cartoon and the Internet Can’t Stop Laughing

No more enemies, only “bad guys” to fight.

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The Department of Defense unveiled a snazzy website redesign today, capping off what chief Pentagon spokesperson Dana White called a “long overdue” change and a way to “more completely share our military’s story with the American people.”

That strategy apparently included the production of a two-minute animated video which explains the five branches of the military using puns, cartoon pirates, and many ominous references not to mortal enemies with weapons of mass destruction, but “bad guys.”

We’re not kidding.


“While there’ve been plenty of movies about our armed forces, most tend to exaggerate what our military does, day in and day out,” we’re told by a kindly-voiced narrator. “Here’s the real scoop about the Department of Defense and how our military keeps you safe!” 

First up is the Army, which we apparently includes as many people “as the population of Atlanta.” Their job is “to fight and win our nation’s wars.” 

The Navy, lest we forget, is “all about the water. They work on it, above it, and below it.” Because of America’s naval power, “things like food, electronics, and cars” can travel the seas safely. Our naval forces also, apparently, fight really cute cartoon pirates!

The Marine Corps are “a bad guy’s worst nightmare.” They come from “sea and air to fight adversaries on land and they are very, very good at it.” 

The Air Force has our back in the “air, space, and cyberspace.”

They drop bombs too—or, as the half-glass-full narrator puts it, fight “bad guys all around the world.” 

Bringing up the rear is the Coast Guard: “a drug dealer’s worst enemy and a boater’s best friend.” 

The video rocketed around social media on Wednesday, but might not have garnered the type of reaction DoD was expecting. Here are a few responses: 

https://twitter.com/davegershgorn/status/1047578789193142272

Spencer Ackerman, a national security reporter for the Daily Beast, may have had the most common reaction. 

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REAL QUICK, REAL URGENT

Minority rule, corruption, disinformation, attacks on those who dare tell the truth: There is a direct line from what's happening in Russia and Ukraine to what's happening here at home. And that's what MoJo's Monika Bauerlein writes about in "Their Fight Is Our Fight" to unpack the information war we find ourselves in and share a few examples to show why the power of independent, reader-supported journalism is such a threat to authoritarians.

Corrupt leaders the world over can (and will) try to shut down the truth, but when the truth has millions of people on its side, you can't keep it down for good. And there's no more powerful or urgent argument for your support of Mother Jones' journalism right now than that. We need to raise about $450,000 to hit our online fundraising budget in these next few months, so please read more from Monika and pitch in if you can.

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