January 23, 2008

To Serve You Better, I Will Not Appear, but ‘Appear’ at your Life-Changing Event

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Prince Charles ‘Appears’ at an Energy Summit (NY Times)

Prince Charles gave a keynote lecture at a summit meeting on advanced energy technologies in Abu Dhabi on Monday — not in the flesh, but as a three-dimensional hologram. By not flying there and back, he avoided adding about 20 tons of carbon dioxide to the atmosphere (the carbon cost of flying him and his entourage).

Hello, kids. It’s Mommy! I can’t believe you both graduated valedictorian and saved some stinky, homeless losers from a burning flophouse! I’m so proud of you both, I could just cry. But the programmers’ quote for tears was ridiculous. You still want to go to Harvard, right?

Don’t worry—no, please, don’t try to hug the hologram. I know where your hands have been. I’m ‘here.’ Just not here. I love you, Mommy does. I just love the planet more. Were I not menopausal, I could have more kids—but another planet? Be reasonable. Just think; by not driving those five minute down Main Street from home, my entourage and I (you remember Bob the mailman, right? And that cute contractor over-charging the Smiths next door?) have spared our poor planet 1/20,000th of a ton of carbon di-whateverit’s called. You know, the yucky stuff that makes the Earth cry. You don’t want the Earth to cry do you? You do? OK, buck up, kiddies and stop that wailing. I’ll be home soon, I promise. Just as soon as the local Indian casino cuts me off. Mommy can’t be in two places at once, can she? That’s my guys! You are soooo brave. Give Mommy a kiss. I mean, ‘kiss’. Oops, careful. Who put that marble column there? I’ll call Dr. Paul about that contusion tomorrow. Or next week, I promise. That’s better, the bleeding’s stopped, almost.

Here—have some holographic cupcakes. Such a deal I got on the holographic snack options. And NO!, I do not want to hear another word about Janey’s Mom’s famous whole wheat vegan, fako bacon beet juice and quinoa muffins! What harm could a little lard and a lot of high fructose corn syrup do? Besides, I happen to know little Miss Whole Foods drinks tap water. And she’s having an affair. With your art teacher.

Cheer up and remember: this is for the good of the planet. Mommy will ‘see’ you as soon as my ‘entourage’ and I… finish entourag-ing. Kisses!

WE CAME UP SHORT.

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So we urgently need this specific ask, what you're reading right now, to start bringing in more donations than it ever has. The reality, for these next few months and next few years, is that we have to start finding ways to grow our online supporter base in a big way—and we're optimistic we can keep making real headway by being real with you about this.

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WE CAME UP SHORT.

We just wrapped up a shorter-than-normal, urgent-as-ever fundraising drive and we came up about $45,000 short of our $300,000 goal.

That means we're going to have upwards of $350,000, maybe more, to raise in online donations between now and June 30, when our fiscal year ends and we have to get to break-even. And even though there's zero cushion to miss the mark, we won't be all that in your face about our fundraising again until June.

So we urgently need this specific ask, what you're reading right now, to start bringing in more donations than it ever has. The reality, for these next few months and next few years, is that we have to start finding ways to grow our online supporter base in a big way—and we're optimistic we can keep making real headway by being real with you about this.

Because the bottom line: Corporations and powerful people with deep pockets will never sustain the type of journalism Mother Jones exists to do. The only investors who won’t let independent, investigative journalism down are the people who actually care about its future—you.

And we hope you might consider pitching in before moving on to whatever it is you're about to do next. We really need to see if we'll be able to raise more with this real estate on a daily basis than we have been, so we're hoping to see a promising start.

payment methods

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