To Serve You Better, I Will Not Appear, but ‘Appear’ at your Life-Changing Event

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Prince Charles ‘Appears’ at an Energy Summit (NY Times)

Prince Charles gave a keynote lecture at a summit meeting on advanced energy technologies in Abu Dhabi on Monday — not in the flesh, but as a three-dimensional hologram. By not flying there and back, he avoided adding about 20 tons of carbon dioxide to the atmosphere (the carbon cost of flying him and his entourage).

Hello, kids. It’s Mommy! I can’t believe you both graduated valedictorian and saved some stinky, homeless losers from a burning flophouse! I’m so proud of you both, I could just cry. But the programmers’ quote for tears was ridiculous. You still want to go to Harvard, right?

Don’t worry—no, please, don’t try to hug the hologram. I know where your hands have been. I’m ‘here.’ Just not here. I love you, Mommy does. I just love the planet more. Were I not menopausal, I could have more kids—but another planet? Be reasonable. Just think; by not driving those five minute down Main Street from home, my entourage and I (you remember Bob the mailman, right? And that cute contractor over-charging the Smiths next door?) have spared our poor planet 1/20,000th of a ton of carbon di-whateverit’s called. You know, the yucky stuff that makes the Earth cry. You don’t want the Earth to cry do you? You do? OK, buck up, kiddies and stop that wailing. I’ll be home soon, I promise. Just as soon as the local Indian casino cuts me off. Mommy can’t be in two places at once, can she? That’s my guys! You are soooo brave. Give Mommy a kiss. I mean, ‘kiss’. Oops, careful. Who put that marble column there? I’ll call Dr. Paul about that contusion tomorrow. Or next week, I promise. That’s better, the bleeding’s stopped, almost.

Here—have some holographic cupcakes. Such a deal I got on the holographic snack options. And NO!, I do not want to hear another word about Janey’s Mom’s famous whole wheat vegan, fako bacon beet juice and quinoa muffins! What harm could a little lard and a lot of high fructose corn syrup do? Besides, I happen to know little Miss Whole Foods drinks tap water. And she’s having an affair. With your art teacher.

Cheer up and remember: this is for the good of the planet. Mommy will ‘see’ you as soon as my ‘entourage’ and I… finish entourag-ing. Kisses!

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REAL QUICK, REAL URGENT

Minority rule, corruption, disinformation, attacks on those who dare tell the truth: There is a direct line from what's happening in Russia and Ukraine to what's happening here at home. And that's what MoJo's Monika Bauerlein writes about in "Their Fight Is Our Fight" to unpack the information war we find ourselves in and share a few examples to show why the power of independent, reader-supported journalism is such a threat to authoritarians.

Corrupt leaders the world over can (and will) try to shut down the truth, but when the truth has millions of people on its side, you can't keep it down for good. And there's no more powerful or urgent argument for your support of Mother Jones' journalism right now than that. We need to raise about $450,000 to hit our online fundraising budget in these next few months, so please read more from Monika and pitch in if you can.

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