October 13, 2000

Democrats Field Gelding in Presidential Horse Race

In which our man Will Durst determines that in politics, there is such thing as too much good advice.

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See, here’s the whole problem with advice. Some people never pay attention to anybody else’s opinion, no matter how desperate they are for help.

Those people would be named Bill Clinton.

Other people wind up taking every stinking little shred of advice to heart, even if they’re ahead in the polls and kicking major swing-state butt. And those people would be named Al Gore.

It’s safe to say Gore got more advice after the first debate than NBC’s programming chief got after the initial ratings for the Olympics started trickling in. Memos must have been blowing around Nashville like a dump-truck load of loose-leaf notebook paper in a squall.

So being the good little daddy’s boy he’s always been, eager-to-please Prince Albert tried to accommodate each and every suggestion thrown at him in his second debate outing. And he came off like Tipper had refused to open the genital lockbox and allow him to accompany his own balls to the debate.

  • His advisors told him to quit making suffocating turtle dove noises and rolling his eyes like he was communicating with space aliens. And he did.

  • They mentioned he needed to have his make up applied by someone with experience working on the living. That was arranged.

  • Somebody said he needed to cover his bald spot. So he showed up sporting a new Rappin’ Ronny ‘do.

  • They cautioned him not mention any specifics he wasn’t absolutely sure of, so as not to bellows the charge that he’s a “master embellisher.” So he became as indistinct as a foggy night at a drive-in movie theater showing a double feature “Fargo” and “Never Cry Wolf.”

  • They warned him not to be too aggressive. So he curled up and rolled over on his back waiting for a nationwide belly scratch that never materialized.

But no matter how much he tried to girdle his personality in order to morph into the kinder-and-gentler Al Gore, he still couldn’t keep from occasionally peering over at Bush with an electric distaste like he just couldn’t believe he was losing the debate to this poisonous weasel toad.

And he lost the pundits and the polls.

So now he has to do exactly the last thing he and his campaign wanted to do: make himself over again for the third debate. Not too hot. Not too cold. This time just right.

Maybe more tan shirts.

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WE CAME UP SHORT.

We just wrapped up a shorter-than-normal, urgent-as-ever fundraising drive and we came up about $45,000 short of our $300,000 goal.

That means we're going to have upwards of $350,000, maybe more, to raise in online donations between now and June 30, when our fiscal year ends and we have to get to break-even. And even though there's zero cushion to miss the mark, we won't be all that in your face about our fundraising again until June.

So we urgently need this specific ask, what you're reading right now, to start bringing in more donations than it ever has. The reality, for these next few months and next few years, is that we have to start finding ways to grow our online supporter base in a big way—and we're optimistic we can keep making real headway by being real with you about this.

Because the bottom line: Corporations and powerful people with deep pockets will never sustain the type of journalism Mother Jones exists to do. The only investors who won’t let independent, investigative journalism down are the people who actually care about its future—you.

And we hope you might consider pitching in before moving on to whatever it is you're about to do next. We really need to see if we'll be able to raise more with this real estate on a daily basis than we have been, so we're hoping to see a promising start.

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