Monkey see, monkey chug

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It may seem just conventional wisdom that a hard-knock life can drive you to drinking. But could you prove it scientifically? That’s what researchers at the US National Institute of Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism set out to do in a bizarre study involving 97 rhesus macaque monkeys, reports the NEW SCIENTIST.

First, the scientists separated 40 of the monkeys from their mothers at birth to simulate a “difficult childhood.” Sure enough, when the researchers offered the motherless macaques a sweetened alcohol solution 3-5 years later, they lapped up the sauce more heavily than their family-values-raised counterparts. The results are straightforward — unlike, the MoJo Wire presumes, the problem of what to do with 40 emotionally-scarred, boozed-out primates.

Will the study prove useful? “We believe these results generalise to humans,” says one researcher, suggesting that stress-prone children could be identified and taught to cope from an early age to prevent future Alcoholics Anonymous candidacies. The monkeys, sprawled under the bar stools and slurring the lyrics to “Danny Boy,” could not be reached for comment.

SIX TRUTHS

Reclaiming power from those who abuse it often starts with telling the truth. And in "This Is How Authoritarians Get Defeated," MoJo's Monika Bauerlein unpacks six truths to remember during the homestretch of an election where democracy, truth, and decency are on the line.

Truth #1: The chaos is the point.

Truth #2: Team Reality is bigger than it seems.

Truth #3: Facebook owns this.

Truth #4: When we go to work, we're in the fight.

Truth #5: It's about minority rule.

Truth #6: The only thing that can save us is…us.

Please take a moment to see how all these truths add up, because what happens in the weeks and months ahead will reverberate for at least a generation and we better be prepared.

And if you think journalism like Mother Jones'—that calls it like it is, that will never acquiesce to power, that looks where others don't—can help guide us through this historic, high-stakes moment, and you're able to right now, please help us reach our $350,000 goal by October 31 with a donation today. It's all hands on deck for democracy.

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SIX TRUTHS

Reclaiming power from those who abuse it often starts with telling the truth. And in "This Is How Authoritarians Get Defeated," MoJo's Monika Bauerlein unpacks six truths to remember during the homestretch of an election where democracy, truth, and decency are on the line.

Truth #1: The chaos is the point.

Truth #2: Team Reality is bigger than it seems.

Truth #3: Facebook owns this.

Truth #4: When we go to work, we're in the fight.

Truth #5: It's about minority rule.

Truth #6: The only thing that can save us is…us.

Please take a moment to see how all these truths add up, because what happens in the weeks and months ahead will reverberate for at least a generation and we better be prepared.

And if you think journalism like Mother Jones'—that calls it like it is, that will never acquiesce to power, that looks where others don't—can help guide us through this historic, high-stakes moment, and you're able to right now, please help us reach our $350,000 goal by October 31 with a donation today. It's all hands on deck for democracy.

payment methods

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