I Can’t Stop Laughing About Rudy Giuliani’s Dripping Hair Dye

Seriously. My diaphragm hurts.

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The only thing that has given me joy today is the brown hair dye that trickled down the sides of Rudy Giuliani’s face at the press conference in which he doubled down on his attempts to fabricate a voting-fraud scandal to secure Trump’s reelection.

If Giuliani had just butt-dialed a reporter and not spilled deets about his business interests in Bahrain, dayenu.

If he had accidentally uploaded to YouTube a video of himself speaking in an exaggerated Chinese accent and not pantomimed a bow, dayenu.

If he had just been duped by the actor playing Borat’s daughter and not laid down on a bed, seemingly convinced that she wanted to have sex with him, dayenu.

If he had just mistakenly hosted a post-election press conference at a landscaping center, and had not picked a landscaping center bordering a sex shop and a crematorium, dayenu.

If he had just sweated his temporary hair dye down the sides of his face and not peppered his speech with absurd references to My Cousin Vinny and anti-Semitic conspiracy theories—well, you get the point.

Thanks for the laughs, Mr. Mayor.

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