Chart of the Century: Chocolate Consumption Makes You Smarter

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An extremely rigorous and methodologically sound new study reveals some critical new nutritional information:

Table 2 shows the adjusted mean z-scores for each cognitive outcome across increasing categories of chocolate intake….Chocolate intake was significantly and positively associated with the Global Composite, Visual-Spatial Memory and Organization, Working Memory, Scanning and Tracking, the Similarities test (abstract reasoning), and the MMSE (covariate set 1, all p<0.05).

Population-level cognitive ability has long been associated with national success, which suggests that we need to establish two new pillars of American foreign policy. First, we need to invade and take control of the key cacao-producing countries of the world. Second, we need to establish a Strategic Chocolate Reserve. Just in case.

If we truly want to make America great again, we all need to buckle down and eat more chocolate. I’m doing my part, citizen. Are you?

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It’s really that simple. But if you’d like to read a bit more, our membership lead, Brian Hiatt, has a post for you highlighting some of our newsroom's impressive, impactful work of late—including two big investigations in just one day and covering voting rights the way it needs to be done—that we hope you’ll agree is worth supporting.

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