August 16, 2015

Here’s How to Talk Like Donald Trump

Fight disinformation: Sign up for the free Mother Jones Daily newsletter and follow the news that matters.


Back in 1996, Newt Gingrich wrote a memo that explained how to talk like Newt Gingrich. “That takes years of practice,” he conceded up front, but he revealed that you could come close just by studying a list of his favorite words. Unfortunately, that was two decades ago and Gingrich is now a has-been. So what if you want to speak like Donald Trump? Well, that takes years of practice too. Still, you can come close just by studying a list of his go-to talking points.

So here’s the list. Study it. And remember: it doesn’t really matter what question you’re asked. Whatever it is, just say a few words and then switch to any of these topics at random. There’s no need to be subtle, either. Just switch gears. And don’t worry if you’ve already said it. Just say it again. Telling people you’re leading in the polls never gets old!

  1. Our national debt is $19 trillion. We’re going to be Greece on steroids! I want to get rid of this deficit.
  2. I’d send Carl Icahn to China. He’s a great negotiator.
  3. I’ll build a huge wall, the greatest wall ever, and Mexico will pay for it.
  4. The Mexicans/Chinese/South Koreans are killing us. They’re taking away all our jobs. Our leaders are so stupid.
  5. I get along very well with Mexicans/Chinese/Putin/foreign leaders.
  6. I’m leading in all the polls. All of them.
  7. I cherish women. I have such respect for women.
  8. We have to kick the hell out of ISIS and take all their oil.
  9. Iran is getting $150 billion. That’s ridiculous. Also: 24 days is ridiculous too.
  10. I want a simpler tax plan. I want to make it great for the middle class.
  11. Saudi Arabia makes a billion dollars a day.
  12. We have to treat our vets better.
  13. I would be so tough. You wouldn’t believe how tough I would be.
  14. I give money to everyone. And then they owe me favors. All the politicians are like that. It’s a totally corrupt system.
  15. We don’t have time for political correctness.

Here’s an example: What do you think about Planned Parenthood?

Well, I hate abortion. And….you know, I cherish women. I have such respect for women. But if you really want to see poor treatment of women, just go to Iraq. They’re beheading women! We have to kick the hell out of ISIS and take all their oil. It’s the only way. You know, Saudi Arabia makes a billion dollars a day. They should be helping us fight ISIS. We can’t afford to do it by ourselves. Our national debt is $19 trillion. We’re going to be Greece on steroids! I want to get rid of this deficit.

The sad thing is that this isn’t really a joke. It looks like one, I know. But if you read actual Trump answers to actual Trump questions, this is pretty much what they’re like.

In any case, this is not an exhaustive list. And if you can’t find something you think you can use, don’t panic. Just attack. It doesn’t really matter who. Megyn Kelly, Hillary Clinton, Jeb Bush, Barack Obama, whatever. The more outrageous the better. Alternatively, do just the opposite: say that you love the people/organization in question and will support them totally. You’ll be great to them!

Now you can talk like Donald Trump. You’re welcome.

AN IMPORTANT UPDATE

We’re falling behind our online fundraising goals and we can’t sustain coming up short on donations month after month. Perhaps you’ve heard? It is impossibly hard in the news business right now, with layoffs intensifying and fancy new startups and funding going kaput.

The crisis facing journalism and democracy isn’t going away anytime soon. And neither is Mother Jones, our readers, or our unique way of doing in-depth reporting that exists to bring about change.

Which is exactly why, despite the challenges we face, we just took a big gulp and joined forces with the Center for Investigative Reporting, a team of ace journalists who create the amazing podcast and public radio show Reveal.

If you can part with even just a few bucks, please help us pick up the pace of donations. We simply can’t afford to keep falling behind on our fundraising targets month after month.

Editor-in-Chief Clara Jeffery said it well to our team recently, and that team 100 percent includes readers like you who make it all possible: “This is a year to prove that we can pull off this merger, grow our audiences and impact, attract more funding and keep growing. More broadly, it’s a year when the very future of both journalism and democracy is on the line. We have to go for every important story, every reader/listener/viewer, and leave it all on the field. I’m very proud of all the hard work that’s gotten us to this moment, and confident that we can meet it.”

Let’s do this. If you can right now, please support Mother Jones and investigative journalism with an urgently needed donation today.

payment methods

AN IMPORTANT UPDATE

We’re falling behind our online fundraising goals and we can’t sustain coming up short on donations month after month. Perhaps you’ve heard? It is impossibly hard in the news business right now, with layoffs intensifying and fancy new startups and funding going kaput.

The crisis facing journalism and democracy isn’t going away anytime soon. And neither is Mother Jones, our readers, or our unique way of doing in-depth reporting that exists to bring about change.

Which is exactly why, despite the challenges we face, we just took a big gulp and joined forces with the Center for Investigative Reporting, a team of ace journalists who create the amazing podcast and public radio show Reveal.

If you can part with even just a few bucks, please help us pick up the pace of donations. We simply can’t afford to keep falling behind on our fundraising targets month after month.

Editor-in-Chief Clara Jeffery said it well to our team recently, and that team 100 percent includes readers like you who make it all possible: “This is a year to prove that we can pull off this merger, grow our audiences and impact, attract more funding and keep growing. More broadly, it’s a year when the very future of both journalism and democracy is on the line. We have to go for every important story, every reader/listener/viewer, and leave it all on the field. I’m very proud of all the hard work that’s gotten us to this moment, and confident that we can meet it.”

Let’s do this. If you can right now, please support Mother Jones and investigative journalism with an urgently needed donation today.

payment methods

We Recommend

Latest

Sign up for our free newsletter

Subscribe to the Mother Jones Daily to have our top stories delivered directly to your inbox.

Get our award-winning magazine

Save big on a full year of investigations, ideas, and insights.

Subscribe

Support our journalism

Help Mother Jones' reporters dig deep with a tax-deductible donation.

Donate