March 15, 2020

Tom Hanks, Spread As Much Vegemite on Your Toast As You Like. But Here’s the Thing You’re Missing.

Shane White/Dave Bedrosian/Shutterstock/Zuma

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Everyone is right to be worried about the spread of coronavirus. But what about the spread of Vegemite?

The famously salty Aussie staple appeared as a cameo in this weekend’s corona-drama Down Under, thanks to actor Tom Hanks, who sparked an outbreak of concern, and a historic debate among our citizens:

Is this too much Vegemite?

Hanks and his wife Rita Wilson tested positive for coronavirus in Australia last week, while in production for Baz Luhrmann’s new, untitled film about Elvis. But when he posted his thanks to the Australian people on Twitter and Instagram this weekend, from an isolation unit at a Gold Coast hospital, Australians were frankly worried—and not about the coronavirus.

“Tom, step away from the Vegemite,” said one Insta-user. “That’s wAAAAAAAY too much.” Most agreed. Said another: “I adore Tom Hanks and I’m sure he is in safe hands, but somebody desperately needs to help him with his Vegemite application.”

Here I am, Tom. Mother Jones’s senior Australian, to set this straight. I’d like to file a dissent to the growing consensus: This is a good amount of Vegemite. A real pro-level spread. A YOLO spread. A crisis spread. I’m into it.

Where I have my real gripe is Hank’s lack of butter. Here’s my own guide for Tom Hanks:

  • Speed is important. The snack is best served hot. Vegemite is at peak-deliciousness when lots of butter (or margarine, whatever you like) is applied to fresh medium-toasted bread, right away, followed by a deep-dig spread from the Vegemite jar. Vegemite is dangerously delicious. I spread it on thick. The point here is to achieve a buttery, melty mess of Vegemite atop hot toast. Pure alchemy.
  • I prefer a thin-sliced multigrain in this situation. But it’s equally delicious on sourdough for that extra crunch, or straight-up white bread if you want a bit of softness, aided by the butter.
  • Rapid cooling of toast is a major problem for this snack. Even the staging required to get Hank’s photograph would have cooled the toast far too much for my liking. The desired sequence of sensations should go something like this: satisfying crunch of the toast, before sinking into the gooey, salty mix on a rapidly softening piece of hot toast.
  • Consume for any meal.
  • Now, if you’re a real pro, add a sharp cheddar to finish it. Consume quickly. Welcome to Australia. And all the best wishes, Tom, for a speedy recovery.

WHO DOESN’T LOVE A POSITIVE STORY—OR TWO?

“Great journalism really does make a difference in this world: it can even save kids.”

That’s what a civil rights lawyer wrote to Julia Lurie, the day after her major investigation into a psychiatric hospital chain that uses foster children as “cash cows” published, letting her know he was using her findings that same day in a hearing to keep a child out of one of the facilities we investigated.

That’s awesome. As is the fact that Julia, who spent a full year reporting this challenging story, promptly heard from a Senate committee that will use her work in their own investigation of Universal Health Services. There’s no doubt her revelations will continue to have a big impact in the months and years to come.

Like another story about Mother Jones’ real-world impact.

This one, a multiyear investigation, published in 2021, exposed conditions in sugar work camps in the Dominican Republic owned by Central Romana—the conglomerate behind brands like C&H and Domino, whose product ends up in our Hershey bars and other sweets. A year ago, the Biden administration banned sugar imports from Central Romana. And just recently, we learned of a previously undisclosed investigation from the Department of Homeland Security, looking into working conditions at Central Romana. How big of a deal is this?

“This could be the first time a corporation would be held criminally liable for forced labor in their own supply chains,” according to a retired special agent we talked to.

Wow.

And it is only because Mother Jones is funded primarily by donations from readers that we can mount ambitious, yearlong—or more—investigations like these two stories that are making waves.

About that: It’s unfathomably hard in the news business right now, and we came up about $28,000 short during our recent fall fundraising campaign. We simply have to make that up soon to avoid falling further behind than can be made up for, or needing to somehow trim $1 million from our budget, like happened last year.

If you can, please support the reporting you get from Mother Jones—that exists to make a difference, not a profit—with a donation of any amount today. We need more donations than normal to come in from this specific blurb to help close our funding gap before it gets any bigger.

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WHO DOESN’T LOVE A POSITIVE STORY—OR TWO?

“Great journalism really does make a difference in this world: it can even save kids.”

That’s what a civil rights lawyer wrote to Julia Lurie, the day after her major investigation into a psychiatric hospital chain that uses foster children as “cash cows” published, letting her know he was using her findings that same day in a hearing to keep a child out of one of the facilities we investigated.

That’s awesome. As is the fact that Julia, who spent a full year reporting this challenging story, promptly heard from a Senate committee that will use her work in their own investigation of Universal Health Services. There’s no doubt her revelations will continue to have a big impact in the months and years to come.

Like another story about Mother Jones’ real-world impact.

This one, a multiyear investigation, published in 2021, exposed conditions in sugar work camps in the Dominican Republic owned by Central Romana—the conglomerate behind brands like C&H and Domino, whose product ends up in our Hershey bars and other sweets. A year ago, the Biden administration banned sugar imports from Central Romana. And just recently, we learned of a previously undisclosed investigation from the Department of Homeland Security, looking into working conditions at Central Romana. How big of a deal is this?

“This could be the first time a corporation would be held criminally liable for forced labor in their own supply chains,” according to a retired special agent we talked to.

Wow.

And it is only because Mother Jones is funded primarily by donations from readers that we can mount ambitious, yearlong—or more—investigations like these two stories that are making waves.

About that: It’s unfathomably hard in the news business right now, and we came up about $28,000 short during our recent fall fundraising campaign. We simply have to make that up soon to avoid falling further behind than can be made up for, or needing to somehow trim $1 million from our budget, like happened last year.

If you can, please support the reporting you get from Mother Jones—that exists to make a difference, not a profit—with a donation of any amount today. We need more donations than normal to come in from this specific blurb to help close our funding gap before it gets any bigger.

payment methods

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