Meet the Stars of “2012: The Movie”

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The guardrails protecting democracy may have buckled, but they are not broken. Autocratic forces are ascendant in America, but the story isn’t fully written. Truth-telling independent media is one remaining bulwark against Trump’s unrestrained exercise of power. He rails against the press as the “enemy of the people,” because he hates the scrutiny that comes from fearless investigative reporting. Our nonprofit newsroom is built for the chaos ahead. Please stand with us.

When HBO inevitably makes a miniseries or made-for-TV movie out of the insanely unpredictable 2012 presidential election, here are the really, really, really ridiculously good-looking people who will hopefully star in it.

1. Jon Hamm as Mitt Romney

Sexiest man. credit One of these men won GQ‘s “International Man” award in 2010. One did not. s_bukley/Shutterstock; Gage Skidmore/Flickr

2. Paul Rudd as Paul Ryan

this has this has “When life gives you lemons, just say ‘fuck the lemons’ and bail,” is actually an apt metaphor for Ryan’s policy proposals for Medicaid. Featureflash/Shutterstock; love4utah/Flickr

3. Giancarlo Esposito as Barack Obama

slick flickr In a sick sort of way, Esposito already has played the president. NBC; Elizabeth Cromwell/Wikimedia Commons

4. Steven Seagal as Joe Biden

Joe Biden will not return for Machete Kills. 20th Century Fox; isafmedia/Flickr

5. Regina King as Michelle Obama

Caption caption wiki ; wiki Some of King’s most overtly political roles: The Ant Bully and Legally Blonde 2. Regina King; Joyce N. Boghosian/The White House

6. Jayma Mays as Ann Romney

If Elizabeth wiki ; wiki If Elizabeth Banks could play Laura Bush, then… (Also, Amy Poehler as a runner-up.) Kristin Dos Santos/Flickr; fredthompson/Flickr

7. Jonah Hill as Newt Gingrich

the wiki ; wiki Hill has range. He’s played a Japanese samurai before. IowaPolitics.com/Flickr; Gage Skidmore/Wikimedia Commons

8. Sir Ian McKellen as Ron Paul

The ring was indeed gold. wiki ; wiki The ring was indeed gold. LOTR Wiki; Ludwig von Mises Institute

9. Steve Carell as Rick Santorum

He admits wiki ; wiki He admits it, too. Universal Studios; Gage Skidmore/Wikimedia Commons

10. Jon Voight as Donald Trump

Also, political blood brothers. Poppleganger/YouTube; Gage Skidmore/Flickr

11. Will Ferrell as Rick Perry

Ferrell is also real-life fraternity brothers with this other Republican you might have heard of. wiki ; wiki Ferrell is also a fraternity brother of another Republican you might have heard of. Warner Bros.; Rick Perry/Facebook

12. James Earl Jones as Herman Cain

For the record, wiki ; wiki Both alto singers, but only one of them has serenaded pizza pies. Gage Skidmore/Flickr; Screenshot: The White House

13. Vin Diesel as Cory Booker

The both . wiki ; wiki Both men rescue civilians from burning buildings professionally. Andre Portfolio/Flickr; Official website of Newark

14. Gene Simmons as Moammar Qaddafi

"shitty" - either of them, probably. wiki ; wiki “[Obama’s] been a piss-poor president as far as I’m concerned.” — Either of them, probably. (In 2012: The Movie, Qaddafi appears in a crucial, Libya-related 2011 flasback. Why not?) Luke Ford/Wikimedia Commons; James Gordon/Wikimedia Commons